[Private Entry]

I don't think I've ever felt more alone. I am cut off from my - from Anna's - human life, from her friends, her classmates.

And yet I am not fully an angel - perhaps I am in power, but I am not welcome amongst my brothers. When I was human, I didn't remember. You cannot miss something you never knew you had. Now, though...I miss Castiel. I even miss Uriel, self-righteous fool that he is. At least words spoken in anger would be words, nonetheless. It's so quiet here. The more time I spend here, the more of 'Anna' slips away. I speak like an angel, now, not like the girl I was. And it kills me.

[Filtered to Sam and Dean]

You've both been quiet recently. I know you're alive, but I cannot interfere too much - are you both ok?

I remember spending time doing quizzes when I was at college - anything to avoid working on my term papers, reading for class.

It seems a little pointless, now, all things considered. But, since I have the time, and Dean and Sam seem to be busy, here we go.

( memes )

It seems only fair, since I have asked all of you...

Ask me my Top Five. Any top fives. Doesn't matter what, really! And I will answer them all in a new post.

Feeling is fading already. Things seem more immediate, and yet so much more remote. I can appreciate the perfection of a flower, the way He created it. But already I'm starting to forget why I prefer one flower to another. Why I found it so...cheering, to keep flowers on my desk.

I...I fear, still. That feeling, at least, is still as strong. So many things to fear; I fear for my human friends, I fear for those fighting the demons. I fear that my existence will be ended, absolutely. I fear Him, always. He is not a kind God. He is great, and terrible, and He is remote to me.

I need something to remind me of what it is to be human. Please, anyone. Tell me about your day. Tell me about your favourite memory. The colours you like. Smells, tastes, emotions.

I don't have much time - I shouldn't even be doing this - but I wanted to let people know that I'm alright. Not...alive, as such, but I exist. I have my Grace back.

Sam, Dean, thank you for everything you did. I owe you both.

Hakkai, you owe me cake. I'll let you know when I'll be collecting.

Not that I think any of you will, but please, don't blame Castiel for coming after me. He had orders, he had no choice. Free will is...it's not something we really have. Humans don't realise how lucky they are, most of the time.

[Filtered to Dean]

Thank you, for that night. It meant more than I can say. And take care of yourself, and your brother. I don't know how much I'll be able to help.

[Filtered to Castiel]

I'm sorry. I don't regret falling, but I regret abandoning you. I don't expect you to listen, nor any of our brothers and sisters, but it was never because of you. I always had faith in all of you.

...My Grace is gone. We have less than no time, and no idea where to start looking.

Angels are closing in, demons too. And I'll most likely be dead by tomorrow.

I need some chocolate cake, stat.

[Private Entry]

Dean...Dean did things. The angels know about it, know how long he was down there. Don't talk about it, though, can't. Someone might hear. I'm not someone. I'm no one. Can't see me, don't know that I listen.

And I do.

40 years he was down there, 40 years in the fire and the pain and the screams. 30 years of holding out, of standing tall in the dark, bright and shining warrior Dean. He got tarnished, armor dented and worn. Something got through, got into him. He tortured them, he did. The angels know. They don't judge, they don't. They love. Dean is the only hope. Protect the hope.

Wish for your brother, Dean. Wish for him safe. But the well's gone, dried up and gone.

[Private Entry]

Angels met Sam, don't like him. They think he's bad, think his powers'll damage things.

Samhain got out, another seal gone. Each seal brings us closer to Armageddon.

Nothing we can do, the end's coming. Coming whether we're ready or not.

Dean needs help, needs watching. He has his angel, watching over him. Castiel.

[Private Entry]

34 broken now. 34 seals and Lilith grows stronger. Sam won't do it, won't stop her. He knows what he has to do. The angels don't like him, at all. They think he's tainted.

[Private Entry]

More seals are broken. Lilith will open the 66 seals and then the world will end. They're losing, can't protect them all, can't know which ones Lilith will choose. Armageddon will happen and it can't be stopped.

The Winchesters...so strange, feels like I know them. Always talked about, the angels so worried about Dean. Fear, so much fear from them and from him. Nearly scared to death, afraid of everything, so afraid.

[Private Entry]

The Winchesters fight and it worries the voices. They don't like Sam, some of them, not at all. But he's stopped, he's not using the powers. He tries to be good, tries to be like Dean.

They talk about Dean, all the time. Dean Winchester is the one who will end it.

[Private Entry]

The dead have risen. A seal is broken, and the ghosts have returned. The Rising of the Witnesses, they call it. 66 seals, that's how many she has to break. 66 out of over 600. The voices are worried.

[Private Entry]

I uh...I don't know what's

Something's wrong with me. I keep hearing things, voices. So loud, I can't stop them talking all the time

"Dean Winchester is saved." That's the first thing I heard, yesterday. And I can't...can't stop it. They're all talking, about him. I don't even know. There's no one here, they're still.

I just want it to STOP

I have a job interview next week! It's just for a library reading assistant, but it's twice as much as I'm making in the bookstore, and I won't have to work so late. They're closed Sunday, too - I mean, I never work Sunday mornings anyway, my manager at the store lets me off, but still. This way I don't have to feel bad about not working.

I'm really excited, mom's taking me shopping this afternoon, we're going to pick out a couple of outfits, and then tomorrow Arianna's visiting. I've missed her so much this summer, I can't believe she's finally back.

Ari, any places you really want to visit? Cocobean Cafe, obviously. Chocolate cake, here I come.

So my dad got a camera for his birthday, and he's been trying it out. He's actually pretty good.

Ari, I can still just about lie down in the window. See?



When are you coming home? I miss you! I tried making a joke about orange mocha frappuccinos (I know I spelt that wrong, I've tried four times. It's too hot to spell stupid made up drinks) to my mom when we went to Starbucks and she just looked at me like I was crazy and told me "I don't think they make those here, dear."

I really really don't like working in retail. You'd think bookstores would be nice, quiet, relaxing places to work? You'd be so very very wrong.

If I have to sell another copy of that stupid vampire book I think I'm going to scream. That book is just...augh! I can't even express my hatred for that thing. Sexist, chauvinist, badly-plotted, badly-characterized...there is nothing that isn't ridiculous.

I found this tshirt online, that says "...and then Buffy staked him. The End.". If I thought I could get away with wearing it at work, I totally would.

What happened to good books being popular? (Alright, ok, so I was waiting in line for every Harry Potter book. That's not the point.)

Looks like I was right...I see Ari every day, and I haven't checked this thing since I posted last.

One month of school left, so things are pretty crazy around here. I promised my Mom that I'd study tonight but I think my brain's starting to dribble out of my ears. I'll help her bake muffins for the social this weekend instead, maybe that'll get her to back off a little.

Um....hi.

So I don't really know what to do with this thing. Arianna says it'll be a good way of keeping in touch after we finish school. I guess it's a good way of updating each other on what we're doing, and it looks like I can post photos, which is pretty cool. I don't see me using it much, though.